Spreading the News

All week long we've been waiting with baited breath to tell our parents. I didn't want to call them last weekend just in case the baby didn't stick, but this morning I temped and took another test and it was positive as positive can be. If anything happens at this point, we would want them to know anyway.

I ordered a pair of baby shoes (why do babies even have shoes?) and they arrived today, so I came home from work early to take this photo to share with our family:

Our plan was to call them, and once we got them on the line we would send the photo and ask them to check their email.

We talked to T's mom first, then left a voice mail for my parents and called my sister. She's always had a talent for ruining surprises, so as soon as I said to check her email she asked, "Is it going to tell me you're pregnant?" Despite the epic anticlimax, she was really happy for us.

My mom face-timed us shortly after, and her reaction was adorable. She was so happy and excited for us. My dad pretended he'd already seen the photo on my father-in-law's Facebook page, just to mess with us.

We are both so happy that it's no longer a complete secret. While we're still not planning to tell my boss until March, it's nice to know we don't have to hide our insane excitement from our family anymore!

Whaaaa? Raeyn's pregnant?!

Cue overwhelming shock and awe, as I'm sure this comes as such a surprise!

I'M PREGNANT!

As many of you know, I got pneumonia last October and haven't been quite right since. Over the last week or so my cough has gotten bad again, so I tested at an embarrasing 8 DPO just so I could feel comfortable taking medicine. BFN. Tested again at 9 DPO, 'cause, well, I was on a roll and I have tests to waste. BFN.

That night, I barely slept because of my coughing. When I did sleep, I had an intense dream that I woke up and got a very faint line. Then I woke up and maybe sorta got a very faint line. I take this as hard proof that I have developed magic powers.

Here are the tests I took later that night and the next morning:

10 DPO, 6 PM

11 DPO, 9 AM

What We Did

This was our 10th month/cycle trying, but 7th with decent timing. I temped, used OPKs, and drank green tea when I remembered. This was the first cycle that I temped vaginally, so I attributed my pretty chart to that.

On O-2, O-1, and O+1 we used preseed and did a little of this:

Then DH argued that we'd only had sex three times and that couldn't possibly be good enough. I rolled my eyes and complained a bunch.

Symptoms

I have a million symptoms, but I'm not convinced any of them are pregnancy-related. The only relevant difference was my lack of spotting. Usually I have a 10-day LP with spotting for 1-3 days before my period. I didn't think too much of it, since I have had cycles in the past when I didn't spot. Curly, however, thought this was a big deal -- and dammit, the bish was right!

How I Told DH

DH was away on a business trip all week, and he was expected to get home last night around midnight. If I'd tested positive earlier in the week I probably would have just told him on the phone; but since I got my BFP the day he was coming home, I waited.

I was going to make a little sign that said "big brother" and tie it around hoverpup's neck before I went to bed, knowing he would run and jump up on DH as soon as he came in the door. However, I was way too excited to go to sleep before he got home, so I just stayed up and told him as soon as he came in the door. Hugging ensued.

Thanks

I cannot possibly express in words how much the Bump community has meant to me. You guys are amazing and I am so glad to have gotten to know many of you! I will leave you with this card, which I feel appropriately sums it up:

Seeing Things

Soooooo...

Took another pee test today. When my five-minute alarm went off, I glanced at the test. I was about to throw it out, when I was suddenly inspired  to stare and scrutinize and squint 'till my eyes hurt. It was probably the awful, fitful night's sleep I got and the ridiculous dreams about getting a BFP.

Anyway, I stared and scrutinized and squinted and convinced myself there was a teeny tiny shadow where I wanted a second line to be. I've never seen a shadow before. Though I've also never stared at a pee stick so intently before.

I dipped another stick and took a photo at the five-minute mark so I could stare and scrutinize indefinitely. This was ridiculous, because now I swear I can see something in the picture way better than I could when I was looking at the actual stick!

Have I gone batshit crazy? Or could this actually be a line? I'm leaning towards batshit crazy, personally.

Sick of it

Looking back at my charts, I started coughing twelve weeks ago. After finishing the final round of antibiotics/steroids on December 5th, the coughing was very mild so I figured it would eventually go away.

No such luck. Last night I was hacking up my lungs again and couldn't fall alseep. WHAT. THE. FUCK? I seriously took a pregnancy test at 8 DPO this morning just so I wouldn't be nervous about stuffing my system full of cough medicine. I feel ridiculous even putting an 8 DPO BFN on my chart. Grumblegrumblegrumble.

A Glimmer

Dammit. I thought I was done with this 2WW anticipation crap. I keep telling myself and everyone else that I'm not really expecting to just get pregnant on my own. I keep telling myself at this point it's just a countdown to my year mark because of my LP.

But when I entered my 7 DPO temp this morning, I felt a glimmer of hope. What if I could be pregnant? Fortunately I'll only have to wait three days to have my hopes shattered.

Success!

T passed his second certification for work yesterday! Woot woot! I am so proud of him! This is extremely exciting, as it was the last day before his boss had to submit T's info for his big upcoming review. The review that will determine how much of a bonus he will get this February. The bonus that will determine what kind of a house we buy this spring.

We've been talking about buying a new house for a year now, but we've been waiting for T to get settled in his job (he's been there just under a year) and pass his first few certifications.

Once we know what the bonus will be, we will go ahead and get preapproved for a loan and start looking for real. These are currently my favorites. The middle one is a real possibility, but it's also the most expensive and a short sale, so we'll see!

Mom's Guide to Getting Pregnant

This morning, while lying in bed, T told me that his mother is very anxious for us to have a kid. Apparently this is something they talked about at length when we were visiting over the holidays. My mother-in-law is truly wonderful, but I am really glad that she did not have this conversation with me. Apparently it went something like this:

T (downplaying how long we've been trying): Well, we've had some bad luck with timing.
MIL: What do you mean? When did she stop taking birth control?
T: Last spring.
MIL: That's a long time!
T: But I've been traveling a lot.
MIL: Oh! :pouty face: Well you're not going to be traveling all the time, are you?
T: No, it's calmed down a lot.
MIL: Are you having sex every day?
T: No, she's taking her temperature and using ovulation tests to figure out when she ovulates.
MIL: You should try having sex every day. You wouldn't mind that!
T: Thanks, mom.

Apparently he has a very different relationship with his mom than I have with mine! And now T thinks we should try having sex every day.

I'm putting what up the what now?

I have an aversion to sticking things in my vagina. That may sounds somewhat counterproductive to TTC, but it's true.

I used to have a fair bit of pain every time I had sex, and my doctor did absolutely nothing to determine the cause of the problem. I even went so far as to bring in a photo of the blood that would appear after banging boots, but she just told me it was all in my head.

After about two years of this (and very little sex), it randomly started to get better. Then when T and I decided to start TTC last April, I went off birth control pills and POOF! Magically I was all better.

Even though it hasn't bothered me in the last nine months, I'm still nervous sometimes that it will hurt. It's like my brain has been conditioned to think that putting anything up there is a bad idea. So a few months ago when someone suggested I temp vaginally, I was all like,

Combined with OPKs, I've always been able to see a temp shift; but I do occasionally wake up with my mouth slightly open, and it can drive me crazy not knowing if my temps are reliable. After last cycle's frustrating randomness and this cycle's 11 days of laziness, I figured it might be a good time to give it a try.

So yesterday morning at 5 AM, I stuck a thermometer up my vagina. Now I feel silly that it's not even remotely a big deal. And bonus -- the quieter beeping this morning allowed my dog to sleep through it!

Reuinited with my BBT

I kept saying that I was planning to resume temping on January 1st after coming back from vacation, and I really did intend to follow through on that. I even brought my trusty Mabis with me to the farm just in case something inspired me to wake up at 5AM, but I didn't touch it the whole trip. When I returned, I could not for the life of me find it! I searched all our luggage, to no avail. But tonight when I was just seconds away from clicking "buy" on Amazon to get a new one, I found it! Huzzah!

Tomorrow is CD12 and the earliest I've ovulated was CD16, so I suspect I'll still be able to get cross-hairs on my chart. Time to get back to the old routine, I guess.

Health Care(less)

Last fall I had some frustrating health issues that made me realize how much I need a new doctor. Unfortunately it's not as easy as asking for recommendations, as I have an HMO. During my vacation, I spent time researching the different medical groups and doctors available under my insurance, and I finally thought I found ones that would work for me.

My primary concern was finding an OB. I've never had one before, as I've always gone to a family doctor for my annual. Since I'm not completely pessimistic about TTC quite yet, I wanted to choose a doctor affiliated with a hospital where I'd be comfortable giving birth.

After two days of searching and shouting at my laptop, I finally found someone I think I'll like. Then I was able to find a good family doctor for my husband and I who is nearby and in the same group! Everything seemed to be working out.

I had to wait until the new year to make an appointment for insurance reasons, so I called today. I officially have an annual appointment with Dr. B for mid-February. Then I called the family doctor... no such luck. It turns out that she's not accepting new patients.

Now I pretty much need to start from scratch looking for a family doctor, but I'm limited to doctors in the same group as the OB I selected. Aaaargh! I need to be fairly quick about this, too, since my employer now requires everyone to participate in a "Wellness Program" (or pay an extra $50/month for insurance), and I need to have a biometric screening done before the end of February.

I guess resolution #2 is not going as well as I thought.

Happy New Year!

So I guess it's 2013 now. I'm not sure how that happened!

T and I flew back to Chicago yesterday after visiting his family for ten days at their farm. We are both finally starting to feel better after our illnesses, but he hurt his back during our trip so we decided to have a low-key night. We enjoyed a lovely dinner at a local Italian restaurant and then rang in the new year watching Men in Black 3 on our couch.

I've never been one to make New Year's resolutions, as I feel like it's silly to wait for January 1st to try to change or make an improvement in your life. I'm just going to keep plugging along with the things I was already working on:

1) Improve how I handle anxiety about my job.
2) Take more responsibility for things like insurance, utility bills, and home maintenance.

So far I haven't had much luck with #1, as I'm already nearly in tears just thinking about going back to work on Thursday. Hopefully I will be able to figure something out, as all the stress is just making it hard to do my job at all. Fingers crossed that the summer comes quickly and next year's class isn't quite so emotionally draining.